Lagi Lagi Dia ...

Assalamualaikum .

" Berakhir sudah..
pencarian cintaku..
hati ini tak lagi sepi.. "

- Raikan Cinta -


Dengar lagu tu, tekup bantal kat muka T_T ~

I am very strong yet so fragile . 

Actually I always wondering how guys can say I Love You without not thinking the consequences , especially players, casanova and others . How do they do it? I wish I can be one of them . Saying those three sacred word out loud , to any boys . If they got infatuated by it, I will crush their hearts to crumbs by crumbs . Evil? Yeahh, broken-hearted always think like this . Taking revenge . Wants to other people feel the pain . Crazy? Yeahh . Nothing seems normal to me since that day except Awang( our goat ) eating Kit Kat bars . 

At first, many assumption running in my mind .

Was he really serious or not?

Or he didn't?

Did he just playing around with me?

Was it only me who felt this way?

Negative thoughts . Positive side of it . This stuff almost every day drove me crazy . In the end, tears were shed . So tired of it..

I told Nobby . I asked her why he had to say " You are mine " to me? Why he couldn't just say NO to me ? And she answered,

" That will makes him feel bad, maybe "

* glass fell to the floor *

If it was true, it made me felt like shit .

By giving a positive response, he just make it worsen . I feel dissapointed . Dissapointed because our story had to end "tragically" like this . Dissapointed because he did not try at all to mend up things . If he knew at the first place that he couldn't let go his gf, why he had to say that ? Why he kept giving me hope ? Why he talked to me like both of us could make it out? Why he told me to wait for him? Why he said " selamat datang ke suka duka dunia percintaan" ? I was damn fine if his answer was negative . I just confessed to him . Plus, there is no law in the world stated that every feeling must be given back ( dibalas balik - refund? Entah ) . He himself once posted these words on his fb wall . 

I was truly sad . My day and night were no longer same as usual . 

' The most cruelest things that a person can do is awakening someone's love without truly loving them ' -Twitter- ( before things went wild )

Was it me, or him?

Frankly speaking, after I was confirmed that we were potato couple, an unusual feeling rested inside of me . It was like we, Nina and Daniele, finally in relationship, was a not a big deal . Arrogance or.. it really did ?

But I fought those feeling . I was relieved when he knew my actual feeling , and shocked when he said, he felt it too . From the beginning . 

Now, i miss him . Every breath I take, every single molecules of water, every second, every parts of my heart is carved with his name ... * i started being cheesy chewy dewy chewing gum when I learnt missing him :') *

Am I a fool for falling for you? Or I was a brave girl that confessed her feeling to her friend?

After a while knowing him, a sudden realization made me utterly paralyzed .

"  Nina, this is not your regular crush . This is definitely that thing "

I denied it . Hardly tried to deny it . Unfortunately, after confessed to him, I accepted that thing with open heartedly . 

Yes, I truly love him . Him . First and the last .

Awak,

Thank you for being my friend . Thank you for not losing patience with me . Thank you for the sweet insults that you gave to me . Thank you for be with me through our hardships . Thank you for the genius advice . Thank you for singing for me . Thank you for asking me to wait till you fall asleep . Thank you for offering me everything as my rewards being your "PA" throughout SPM . Thank you for sharing your life with me . Thank you for letting me walk into your life . Thank you for make me smile non stop when I talking to you, when I see the green button when you were online , when I received your text, when you laughed at my jokes, when you screamed in the bathroom after your cousin switched off the lights, when you whining, angry at my jokes about your voice, when I looked at the moon, when I saw minion, when I watched Must Be Love movie, when you was jealous , drooled at your brother, when you started to act crazyly, when you wrong spelled the sugar glider . Thank you for be honest with me, who you are, where your from, sharing your past and trusting me to keep our secrets . Thank you for saying that I am yours . Thank you for saying " SSA " . Thank you for gave me your oreo desert . Thank you for asking my idea what kind of song that suited your school event . And we chose Perfect- Simple Plan . Thank you for giving me sweet and bitter memories for me to cherish it for my whole lifetime . Thank you for calling me 'sayang' . Thank you dear, for everything we shares and feels .
My gratitudes is undescribeable by mentioning them here .

Awak,

I'm sorry I left you without a word . I do not want you to be burdened by having me in your life . I just want you to be happy . I know you are happy now with her . She is a cute girl . You are lucky to have her in your life and vice versa . Eventhough I am not beside you anymore, I know there are lot of girls that are waiting to keep you happy, maybe more than I am . Do not feel bad . I was wrong . Not you . Wherever you are, I always pray the best for you . 

" Saya tak boleh sayang orang lain macam saya sayangkan awak..."

" Kalau Louis ada kat depan pun, saya dah tak nampak dah.."

" Kita hidup macam biasa but dear, yang penting awak sayang saya dan saya sayangkan awak . That's it "

*****************************************************

Chewahhh ! Entry kali ni ber speaking bagai ek? Haha . Aku dah lama tak writing . Nak kasi otak aku cair sikit . Pheww lega rasanya . Aku pernah terfikir, kalaulah aku dapat amnesia, kan best? Dapat lupakan semuanya, tak payah nak pening pening fikir . Tapi yang ironinya, aku akan tulis surat .

' Kepada Diriku Yang Amnesia '

Ngek betul . Sekarang ni, alhamdulillah dah kurang sikit sakit tu . Kalau rindukan dia, pejam mata, bayangkan dia . Gambar dia semua aku padam . Macam mana nak attachkan gambar dia dalam blog ni? Haha ..


Ciri-ciri dia : 

Kulit putih. Of course . Orang mixed kan? Yang pasti bukan Melayu . Aku sendiri pun tak tahu apa bangsa dia dalam IC . Mama dia dari Scotland . Daddy dia orang Melayu . Ni daddy tiri dia . Ayah kandung, Philipines . So, dulu dia bukan Muslim . Bila mama dia kahwin dengan daddy baru, dia datang ke Malaysia , duduk dengan abang sulung dia dekat Sarawak . Convert, and tukar nama .Dia tinggi and quite big from his brother , yang kedua . Pointy nose . Pink lips . Bila senyum, macam kena stretch . Panjang je . Haha . Rambut, favourite style, emo . Rambut dia sekarang ni dah panjang sangat kot, sebab dia cakap dia taknak potong rambut dia . Sukati kau lah . Brown eyes . Like me . Heheh . Tapi yang paling significant tentang dia, his brows . Sharp. Kalau dia tak senyum,it is like we can see arrogance in his eyes . Ada riak marah but cool . Dia mengaku yang dia jenis senyap . tak reti nak menjampuk orang cakap . Tapi bila dah kenal, he is very handful . Tak boleh duduk diam . Suka buat free style jump . Esok " Dear, kaki saya patah :3 " . Aku hmmm kan je . Dah faham sangat perangai dia macam mana . Suara dia . Macam budak tak baligh lagi . Betul ! Almost like suara Justin Bieber masa nyanyi Baby , tolak accent je . Kadang kadang macam suara perempuan pun ada . But lama lama bergayut, okay la dia lelaki tulen :3 . Hampehh tol aku ni .

Nak letak pict dia dalam ni, surf google . But server tolak pulak dah . So, ciri-ciri dah kasi, imagine lah sendiri "kesayangan" aku tu macam mana .

P/s : Sebenarnya ada pict dia . Dalam pendrive . Nanti nanti lah aku upload dalam blog .

Assalamualaikum :)